Postpartum planning - it’s a team sport
The first few weeks after bringing home a baby are often described as a blur, and for good reason. There’s feeding, healing, adjusting, and sleep (or the lack of it), all layered on top of wildly shifting emotions and new responsibilities.
And while much of the postpartum spotlight is on the birthing partner (rightfully so), the truth is this: the work of adjusting to new parenthood belongs to both partners. But unless you’ve talked about how to divide the mental and emotional labor before the baby arrives, things can quickly become overwhelming.
Below are practical ways to proactively share the mental load during postpartum, so both partners feel supported, involved, and connected.
1. Plan for the Postpartum Period—Not Just the Birth
Birth plans are common. Postpartum plans? Not so much. Sit down before the baby arrives and talk through:
Who’s handling meals (prep, delivery, grocery runs)?
What are signs of postpartum depression or anxiety—and how will you check in on each other?
What time-sensitive logistics are coming up (pediatrician visits, insurance paperwork, parental leave, etc.)?
How will nighttime duties be divided—especially if one parent is breastfeeding?
This isn't about rigid schedules. It’s about clarity and care.
2. Make Invisible Tasks Visible
There’s a ton of behind-the-scenes labor that can build resentment if it’s always expected, rarely seen. These might include:
Noticing when baby supplies are running low
Knowing when a lactation consultant might be helpful
Keeping track of thank-you notes or birth announcements
Coordinating visits from friends and family - visits, visitors, refreshments - we mean the whole visit not just who is coming when!
Try a weekly check-in where both partners talk about what’s on their mental plate and redistribute where needed.
3. Divide Based on Strengths—But Stay Flexible
Maybe one of you is great at organizing appointments while the other handles middle-of-the-night diaper runs. That’s great—as long as both partners are actively contributing and open to rebalancing as things shift.
If the birthing partner is recovering from a C-section or navigating chest/breastfeeding challenges, the other partner can step up in different ways: laundry, meals, managing visitors, or simply making sure water bottles stay full.
4. Support Each Other’s Mental Health
Check in with each other regularly—not just about the baby, but about how you’re doing. Ask:
What felt hard this week?
Where do you need help right now?
What’s one thing that would make tomorrow easier?
It doesn’t need to be formal. It just needs to happen.
5. Respect Recovery and Rest
One partner is physically healing from birth. The other may feel pressure to "do everything else." Both are exhausting in different ways. Rest and recovery should be planned for and protected—for both of you.
That might mean creating a rotating nap schedule, hiring help if possible, or saying no to extra obligations. Prioritize rest the way you would an important appointment.
6. Remember: You’re on the Same Team
When tensions run high (and they will), try to come back to the shared “why.” You’re both new at this. You’re both learning. The mental load is lighter when you carry it together—not when one person becomes the default parent or manager.
Bottom line: Postpartum life is not just about getting through—it’s about adjusting as a unit. When both partners are actively involved in the emotional and logistical work of recovery, everyone benefits—including Baby.
It won’t always be perfectly equal. But the conversations, effort, and shared care make everyone feel seen and cared for, and that goes a long way.
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