SUPPORTING YOUR PARTNER AFTER MISCARRIAGE
Miscarriage can be emotionally devastating to many couples and the grieving process can be extensive. Especially for the birthing parent, they might need more time to heal. Follow their lead and ask if they want to talk about it or not. Some partners may want to discuss their feelings and expectations, especially around milestone moments that would have been occurring in pregnancy.
Here are some potentially helpful behaviors to help navigate this time.
1. Listen and Validate Their Feelings
Allow your partner to express their feelings, whether they are sadness, anger, guilt, or something else. Everyone processes grief differently, so be patient and understanding.
Avoid minimizing their feelings or saying things like “at least it was early” or “you can try again.” Instead, validate their emotions by saying things like, "I'm here for you," or "It's okay to feel how you feel."
2. Provide Emotional Support
Offer comfort by being physically present—whether it's through a hug, holding hands, or just sitting together quietly.
Encourage open communication about their needs and feelings. Let them know they can talk about the miscarriage as much or as little as they want.
3. Give Them Space If They Need It
Some people may need time alone to process their grief. If your partner seems to need space, respect that and let them know you’re there whenever they need you.
4. Help with Practical Needs
During this time, your partner may not have the energy or desire to do everyday tasks. Help with cooking, cleaning, or running errands to ease their burden.
If there are medical appointments or follow-ups, offer to accompany them or help manage any necessary arrangements.
5. Be Patient with the Healing Process
Understand that healing from a miscarriage is not a linear process and can take time. Your partner may have good days and difficult days.
Encourage them to take care of themselves physically and emotionally, whether that means resting, seeking therapy, or engaging in self-care activities.
6. Consider Professional Support
If your partner is struggling to cope, suggest speaking to a therapist or counselor who specializes in grief or pregnancy loss. There are also support groups for people who have experienced miscarriages, which can provide a sense of community and understanding.
7. Acknowledge Your Own Grief
Remember that you are also experiencing a loss. It's okay to feel sad or overwhelmed, and it’s important to seek support for yourself as well. Sharing your feelings with your partner can also help both of you feel less alone in your grief.
8. Create Meaningful Rituals
Some people find it helpful to create a small ritual or memorial to honor the loss. This could be planting a tree, lighting a candle, writing a letter, or any other activity that feels meaningful to both of you.
9. Avoid Pressure on "Moving On"
Allow your partner to grieve at their own pace without imposing any expectations about when they should feel “better” or “move on.” Healing from a loss takes time, and it's okay if it takes longer than expected.
10. Stay Connected and Reassure Them of Your Love
Reassure your partner that you love them and that you are in this together. Sometimes, a simple "I love you" or "I'm here for you" can mean a lot.
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